fuck the solar eclipse and all its pretentious black and shininess.

So what? The fucking moon decided to get in the way of that big old shiny sun. And then it expects me to wake up at some awful hour to not even be able to look straight at it for fear of going all 50% Helen Keller. Please. (As if I'm not already up due to the fact I wake at around 530 in Pokhara.) The moon is delusional and is suffering from severe narcissism. Boring. (This is one of those moments where I act immature and name call inanimate objects due to the fact that I did not know how to view the sun and someone failed to help me figure out how. Then it was cloudy when I woke up totally deleting any opportunity I may have had to view it, or not. I also didn't know how to make a pinhole viewer, nor did I have goggles.)

The point of this story is: fuck you moon AND sun AND your conspiracy theories to leave me in the dark and threaten my baby blues (rather they are grey). Cheese and lava, bunch of overrated bullshit.

In an attempt to be culturally sensitive, I will share with you some of the fables and rules Nepalis believe to be true as a result of this "fateful" day. The only thing is, only 2 of things are true. I will never tell you the results.

1. Eating on this day is a bad idea.
2. Riding a bicycle while wearing a face mask is suggested as car fumes release toxins which are harmful after lack of sun.
3. Wear red.
4. Stay AWAY from cheese.
5. Fornicating between cows will lead to prosperity on your farm.
6. Fornicating and resulting conception at approximately 6:45am on the solar eclipse day means your baby will grow up healthy, wealthy, but dumb. (As in stupid, not mute.)
7. Jack Sprat can eat fat. But only today.
8. Momos should be consumed for their delectable combination of meat and wheat.
9. Farfengluven.
10. If you step on a crack you will break your mother AND father's backs.

Actually, only one of those is true because I forgot the other one. And the only true one is written three times in the last 2 sentences. RIDDLE ME QUIVER!